Wand Talk
by Katsudonfataledeactivated
Summary: A more... awkward snapshot of Sirius's family life with the Potters'


'Hey dad.' James greeted casually as he walked into the sitting room. Taking a few strides with his long legs, he sat down on one side of the sofa, and looked expectantly at his father.

'Well, James. I would like to talk to you about somethi-'

Before the older man could finish, however, James cut in. 'If you are talking about that time I accidentally flooded a classroom with the aguamenti spell, it was an… accident.'

spoke sharply. 'I was only aware of the time you somehow threw a bottle of self-refilling ink to 's head, but we will talk about this later,' sighing, he fidgeted nervously.

'How are you and Lily?'

James couldn't help but smile. 'She finally agreed to go to Hogsmeade with me. I kind of bribed her with butterbear, but she did say yes,' his eyes narrowed suspiciously. 'Why?'

His dad ignored him. 'Actually,' he contemplated slowly. 'I think Sirius should be here as well, since I am now kind of his father and all…'

'Alright,' James shrugged and produced a mirror, which he took with him to everywhere now. 'Oi Sirius! My father needs you. Come to the sitting room.'

Seconds later, they heard the paddling of footsteps down the stairs, then Sirius was in front of them. Slouching in a relaxed yet elegant manner, was happy to see him a lot more at ease in their house, compared to when he met him for the first time six years ago.

'Well,' finally started when he realised he couldn't delay it any longer. 'You are all big boys now, and James is now dating Lily and Sirius is…,' Sirius shook his head with an easy grin at Mr. Potter, signifying that he is still single.

'Having a relationship can be amazing, but there are several… things that you need to remember. I know you are of age now, and sometimes you would feel the urge to… ahem.'

James's face paled in recognition, but Sirius who was still sweetly oblivious to what a normal family life contains, remained confused and was listening attentively. 'Urge to what?' He asked innocently.

Mr. Potter's face was, contrary to Jame's paleness, as red as a tomato. Adjusting his ties uncomfortably, he looked down with embarrassment. 'Urge to… Have sex, of course,' he blurted out.

By now Sirius's face was as red as Mr Potter's.

'Obviously, you can do whatever you want, provided that you and your partner are comfortable with it, but as young as you are, you probably are not ready for a baby, and uh… This is where this comes in,'' from his coat pocket, Mr. Potter produced his wand.

'There is a spell, which is not hard,' he winced at his choice of vocabulary,' at all. Much easier than the patronus charm, at least. You just point your wand at your…'

'Mr. Potter,' Sirius spoke, his voice almost as squeaky as Peter's,'with all due respect, I am currently single, so this doesn't really apply to me. I guess I should just go upstair to finish my potions homework,' he rose from his seat.

For a second, Mr. Potter looked tempted to let him go, but then he shook his head. 'As a father, I have the responsibility to inform you of such things. Stay, Sirius,' he commanded when Sirius tried to take a small step towards the door. Defeated, Sirius sat down stiffly.

'Now, where was I?' Mr Potter thought out loud. 'Oh yes, the spell. Well, you point your wand at your… Or your partner's… Where you… You know… Or better yet, both of your…'

'We know,' James interrupted urgently and Sirius nodded hastily.

'Okay, okay. And the spell is,' he cleared his throat awkwardly, 'Conceptio Prohibitus. As I say, your wand goes here,' and James and Sirius were forced to tear their eyes away from the floor to 's crotch. 'You say the words. If the spell works, your wand tip should glow white.' Feeling his sons' stares on him, Mr Potter tried the spell on himself, and Sirius and especially James were unwillingly reminded of how often their father had used this spell by how easy he cast it.

And the next fifteen minutes would forever remain a painful memory for James and Sirius as they tried the spell themselves, their eyes and wands drawn to their own crotch, with watching like a hawk to make sure they were doing it right.

Conceptio Prohibitus. Conceptio Prohi… Damn. Sirius swore under his breath when his wand slipped out of his sweaty hand. He never had any problems with performing magic, but he found it hard to focus when his face was heating up and he could hear his heart beating in his chest.

It took Sirius another five minutes after James had successfully performed the spell, for Sirius to master the charm himself. All the while, the two Potters' eyes were drawn to Sirius's private area, and James's eyes were alight with amusement as he witnessed Sirius's suffering.

'When I said I wanted to be part of your family, I was talking about eating homemade cookies and family nights in front of the telly. I didn't sign up for this,' Sirius muttered when he pocketed his wand (not that wand. Damn it.), and James laughed.

It was another quiet peaceful day is 12 Grimmauld Place, so it was quite a shock when everyone suddenly heard Sirius's loud guffaw. In fact, Ron, who was in the same room with Sirius, was so startled that he actually fell out of his chair.

'Snuffles, you okay?'

Sirius was still chuckling fondly when Ron stood up from the floor. 'Old memories,' he replied vaguely. 'Can you please send Harry here? There is something I need to talk to him about.'

And so Ron did, too confused to do anything else while Sirius was still laughing next door like a mad man.

'You asked to see me?' Harry asked when he walked into the room.

'Yes, there is something I need to tell you. And you need to listen very carefully, because it will be useful to you, one day,' and Sirius immediately thought of Ginny. He had a feeling Harry and Ginny would be very good together.

'Okay…' Harry trailed off as he sat on the sofa, already thinking of a dozen things. We know how to defeat the Dark Lord. There is a spy in the order. Fudge said that I can't go back to school because I keep spreading lies about Voldemort. He looked solemnly at Sirius. 'What are we going to talk about?'

'Sex.'

Harry's face paled instantly, and Sirius smiled.


End file.
